jaylar
It is very important to see how an Abuser gets inside of your head. How he can make you believe you are damaged or need help.
They adopt this superior calming voice, these words to make you believe you were abused or hated or unwanted by your parents, sibling, whomever.
There are cases in which the Abused actually believes something happened to them that never did.
The Abuser finds the person the Victim most admires, be it mother/ father/sister/brother and makes the Victim believe that person did something to them.
Abusers are so skilled at creating false memories that if you can prove that something did not happen, could not have happened, the Victim might go into pause mode, then reboot, and reassert the impossible act.
For the Abuser has gotten inside the head of the victim.
I think that some “counselors” do this too. They create memories inside somebody’s head.
This happens under hypnosis too.
The hypnosis “seeing” (what they saw when under hypnosis) by the client is analysed by the hypnotist, in such a way that it looks like abuse has taken place, when it might have had some other simple interpretation instead.
Only the dreamer, or the hypnotised know exactly what their dream or hypnosis session really meant.
The two experiences are similar in lots of ways, I have found.
False Memory Syndrome is created most often by psychologists and other counselors. People remember things that never happened. I’ve written a series about it..about it..https://virily.com/beauty-health/dealing-with-false-memory
Sometimes, I create it in myself too, a flase memory.
I am not sure if my memory is really true, or if it was from a dream that I had, or perhaps I think that I am remembering something that was not my memory at all, but told to me by someone else, like my Dad, and now I own it, and think that it was my own memory.
edit: false not flase
The ‘tell’ in False Memories is that you keep repeating them over and again .
I suppose that’s true, but older folk tend to do this too, as their old memories are often very important to them too.
An Abuser will say; “No, Kevin told you that, you don’t remember.”
When Kevin didn’t tell you anything.
The Abuser is trying to gas light you.
And you will go along with it…
And you will say, “Kevin told me..”
And another will tell you; “Kevin couldn’t have told you that. He migrated two years ago.”
So you try to recall if you didn’t talk to him on the Internet or by phone… because he had to tell you as the Abuser Told you it was him.
Yes, I have experienced that myself.
I have a good memory for the event, but then when I tell the other person, they invent a version of it, telling me that my version was wrong, and that it never happened like that, so much so, that I sometimes begin to doubt my own good memory of what really happened myself.
I do feel abused when that happens to me.
One has to grasp the extent of abuse. A lot of it is mental. The abuser gets inside of your head and tells you lies and fantasies and you begin to believe them.
Yes, it is like an invasion of ourselves with foreign mistruths.
What distinguishes this is that the Abuser will create this past ‘history’ for their own benefit; “Don’t you remember how you told me that….” and bits of real are pasted to fantasy to control your mind
Yes, manipulation of truth is a nasty trick to play on someone else’s mind.
Some people, though, do this innocently too, though.
If two people have experienced the same event, often memories are different, and sometimes, one person will insist that their own memory of it is the right and factual one, when the truth is, that both memories could be correct, or worse still, they could be wrong, and the other person was actually more right.
This type of a person has the mindset in place to become such an abuser.
It might start innocently, but then they relish in the idea of themselves having the infallible memory, and always being right about things, even at the expense of rough-riding over the truth of other people.
What I have found over the years is that there are signs I pick up…
There is a difference between you and I going for coffee and a week later I say you ordered a Caramel Ultra and you remember ordering an Expresso…. as we go often it is possible one of us could mix up what was ordered.
The Abuser will insist you ordered an Ultra and become adamant as if the most central thing in the world was what your ordered.
Think about it.
Why is it so important that you be convinced of this? What does it matter what you ordered?
It is important to the Abuser to ‘control’ your memory so where a normal person has no vested interest in you remembering what you ordered or not, the Abuser MUST get you to agree.
That type of a person is fixated, and needs help to sort out their thinking.
There is no sensible reason why it is important what kind of coffee you had those weeks ago. The reason why it is an ‘issue’ is because the Abuser is trying to get his foot in the door.
If he can convince you that you ordered a Caramel Ultra, then he can convince you that Kevin was the one who told you…
Eventually if he tells you today is Tuesday you believe with out a blink.
That is the point. To get inside your head.
Yes, but he is either power-hungry, or a dictator, or nutty.
Something is wrong with this type of a person.
It is not normal behaviour to treat others like that.
He is an Abuser and this is a method. The Abuser needs to be ‘in charge’ he needs to feel he ‘controls.’ Once you are alert to it, you’ll see it.
The fact that there is no winning, there is no logic, is why the Abuser gets away with it.
A normal person figures there is some reason why he is saying you had a Caramel Ultra. The Abuser is saying it because if he can get you to agree with him, that is, he will control your mind.
A normal person shrugs, ‘it is not important’. The Abuser gloats, “Got her!” He does it again and again trying to make her believe she has memory problems.
Thanks for your replies. You have described it very well.
Many abused wives don’t realise they are abused. It sounds crazy for a wife who has suffered to think it is her fault or she caused it and this is how.
Sometimes, it is the man who is abused by his wife, though, and he knows it, but he never wants to dispute her version, nor to argue back.
He just lets things be, but it does build up in his mind from time to time, and it becomes harder and harder to take too, over time, but being the stronger physically usually, the gentle, patient man keeps enduring, and just allows life, including such abuse, to flow over him, rather than him trying to stop it, and to dam it up, and then it might open all up at once, and injure him with the flooding one day too.
I know cases like that. A man marries and the woman owns and operates him. I’m writing about that topic next.
That should be interesting reading!!
I’ve seen female on male form in a few cases; esp. when the man claims that he ‘wears the pants’ and has no inkling that he’s being manipulated.