Not to provoke sympathy but many Abusers subject themselves to a kind of ‘mental slavery’ in which they “abuse” themselves.
I set the word ‘abuse’ in quotes because it is often pointless self-denial that has no basis.
For example, an Abuser creates ‘rules’ . Imagine he deems that chocolate is only to be eaten on Sunday afternoon. On Wednesday there is a little party at work, a chocolate cake is served, and although he really wants a piece he is not ‘allowed’ because he can only eat chocolate on Sunday.
He will then go home and take out his anger at deprivation on whomever is available; his wife or children.
He is ‘punishing’ them as he was ‘punished’.
In a previous article after-abuse-62/ I mentioned how an Abuser, old and totally alone, limited himself to writing no more than 2 emails a month to the only person in his past, (Ex-wife 1) who would correspond with him.
Abusers self abuse so that they gain the resentment they can take out on those closest to them.