When one doesn’t analyse abuse, when one doesn’t see it from all angles, they remain not merely victims, but, in some cases, perpetrators.
Sometimes they find a target they can inflict their anger on, and sometimes, they inflict it on themselves.
Neither Paul nor Jack, now in their late thirties, were not aware that their Grandmother had left property to them in her Will. Despite proclaiming what a ‘Great Mother’ she was, (to hurt the feelings of their mother) they had taken little interest in her existence.
After their Grandmother died it was their hated father, the source of abuse, who strove to contact and inform them.
Finally, able to reach Paul, his father told him of the house that their Grandmother had left to he and his brother. Paul hated his father so much he did absolutely nothing to gain that house.
His father called, emailed, tried to assist, but Paul and Jack did nothing to gain that house. This is because to ‘fix’ their father, they decided to deny themselves a house.
Paul and Jack took their abuse from their father, abuse that ended decades ago, as the explanation for all their failings.
They never analysed and so anything they could do which in anyway would ‘hurt’ their father, they did.
It sounds stupid to the average person, but victims of abuse who never explore it or heal from it, wind up hurting themselves.