jaylar
One of the factors of verbal abuse is the calculated misreading, misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what you said (or wrote) so as to twist the statement into something onerous.
For example, you make an observation about how long you were on the phone with a bank, saying; “I spent more time talking to the bank than my friends.”
The abuser, either deliberately/accidentally interprets what you just said as being isolated and having no one to talk to, inferring that you need to make lifestyle changes.
When you are deep in a relationship, you puzzle. You wonder; ‘is that true?’ and analyse this fallacy which causes an erosion of your confidence. This is the purpose of abuse.
When you are not in a relationship anymore, you realise the abuser is either speaking autobiographically or trying to play with your mind.
This assists in your analysis of abuse. You draw back and wonder what is really wrong with this abuser.
How could he possibly interpret your complaint of the bank’s clumsiness as some kind of personal statement? And instantly know he is trying to erode your confidence as if a flag went up.
I refuse to let anyone steal my joy or confidence.
That is what an abuser does. It isn’t the smack or the curse, it is stealing the joy and confidence