jaylar
In many cases of separation a child will select one parent over another. Often, the ‘unchosen’ feels hurt. The key feature in this ‘choice’ is that very often the child selects the least responsible parent.
There are many cases, for example, in which the mother worked, bought everything for the child while the father lived his own life.
The mother took the child everywhere, the father took the child nowhere.
Yet the child wanted to live with Daddy.
The wise unchosen parent, instead of sounding off, instead of listing all the other’s faults will become the chief supporter of the ‘chosen’ . This will confuse the child and make it seem that the parent s/he is trying to hurt is cheering their ‘opponent.’
When a child makes a deliberate and angry choice, “I want to go to Daddy! I hate you!” They are saying; “I am going to hurt you by selecting my father. The point is to hurt you.”
To hurt the ‘unchosen’ a child will deprive him or herself of benefits that could be gained from the unchosen.
By becoming the main supporter of the ‘chosen’ parent; (done after the choice was done and dusted) will make the child regret the choice.
In regret, the child will be far nicer to the unchosen.
These are difficult moments in the lives of children.
Oh yes, and no matter what there will always be problems unless the parents can keep it happy and that isn’t likely.
Divorce is harder on the children.
In many cases that is true, in some, esp. when the parents are not getting along it isn’t as traumatic.