Don’t make assumption (THE FOUR AGREEMENTS – DON MIGUEL RUIZ)

The author said that people often tend to make assumptions, conjectures about everything instead of looking for verification information or asking directly about things. The problem with making this guess is that we will eventually believe it’s true. For example, when a colleague doesn’t greet you, it’s easy to surmise that this person doesn’t like you, then continue to infer why he or she did it. Because you don’t dare to ask colleagues directly, assumptions and conjectures made by yourself make you tormented, miserable, easily lead to speak ill of colleagues to feel comfortable, safe, and have a side more wings. But what is the truth? Maybe it’s just this colleague who hasn’t seen you, hasn’t opened a greeting or is having a sad and unhappy affair… People often impose their assumptions on others, thinking that people think the same yourself, behave like yourself and read your mind. The author writes a lot about this issue in the relationship. It is often easier for people who are closer to us to impose our thoughts without sharing what we want with them. For example, when you see your spouse/lover/ family not doing the things you think they should, you often say, “THOUGHT you / your child should understand this” or “Such things do NOT NEED. YOU MUST SAY IT! ”The truth is that each person is a separate subject, even if you find“ the other half ”or“ soul mate ”, that’s not quite a reason to stop talking. that person. Making assumptions, guesses, and baseless expectations in others is the seeds of discord and sadness in humans.

Influenced by Asian cultures, I was very afraid to speak directly to others. I used to think that a smart, clever person would have to say half-heartedly (“the idea in a foreign language”) so that the other “could hear the ten”. It wasn’t until I met my husband, who was born in a different culture, that I realized how hard I spoke. When we first met, we often disagreed because I didn’t say what I thought. My husband (then the owner of the restaurant) had to give an example: “When a customer walks into your restaurant to order, people have to say exactly what they want, including how complicated it is. For example, steaks but without red water, with vegetables but not tomatoes, for sauce A instead of sauce B … Although it is a bit time-consuming initially a lot easier for people to cook because they already know exactly what guests need. If you don’t say exactly what you need, no one can please you! ”I used to laugh when I heard this” stark “example but it was really true. For the past 3 years, I’ve been practicing saying 100% of what I want to people with all the respect and courtesy I have. Despite many limitations, I have been able to speak more of my thoughts so far, and this really makes my relationships more honest and pleasant.