I am a product of my past. Everything I have experienced is a part the person I am now. You can bury experienced deep in your soul, but they are still there. Everytime he hit me is still crystal clear somewhere in my heart. When I believed the words “you will never amount to anything” it was tattooed in my mind, in my heart and no matter where I end up, whatever I do, that will always be a part of the equation.
I have left requests to simply burn my journals. The words were always only meant for me. I probably should burn themselves today, but I am just not ready to burn it all. I sure hope that those I leave behind will light the match and not have to see the pain. I don’t think anyone understands it and I fear some might feel like there could have been different outcomes. It’s over and nothing can be done, so if you are reading this, someone chose to ignore my wishes again. If that is the case the only thing I can hope for is that it hurts no one and everyone knows that I made the choices myself. I left when I had nothing else to give and was of no value to anyone.