We evaluate our actions every day, compare what we are and what we are with what we would like to be, and accordingly we have expectations of ourselves:
- really “I” – what I am
- ideally “I” – what I would like to be (wishes, hopes)
- expected “I” – what I should be (duties, obligations, responsibilities)
The result of these evaluations and comparisons is a self image that can be more or less positive or negative. If the true “I” does not agree with the expected or ideal “I” the person will have low self-esteem. As a consequence, they feel disappointed that they have not achieved the goals (usually too high) they have set for themselves or others have set for themselves. She will be shy and unsure of her actions and decisions.
For most people, moods change depending on the daily situations they find themselves in. You failed the exam, quarreled with a partner, had a failed presentation – we all sometimes feel unsuccessful, disappointed, sad.
However, confidence is somewhat more stable than daily mood swings. In people who have a normal dose of self-esteem, life’s successes and failures temporarily affect self-experience, but only to a certain extent.
On the contrary, in people with low self-esteem, these daily ups and downs greatly affect the self-image, because one does not separate from one’s actions. They respond to every and every slightest failure by self-blaming. They pleaded guilty, once and for all, to the conclusion that they were stupid, worthless, incompetent. Because of their negative view of the world, they feel that everyone succeeds in what they do, except themselves.
Lack of confidence and belief in yourself can have very unintended consequences:
- creates a feeling of loneliness, increases anxiety and is the basis for the development of depression
- impedes progression and can seriously endanger business
- diminishes the quality of relationships with others and causes problems in love relationships
- promotes psychosomatic illnesses and various types of addiction
People with low self-esteem do not seek help because they believe they do not deserve it. Low self-esteem is a reflection of how our parents or guardians have treated us in the past.
Self-confidence can be built
We acquire it in childhood and build upon it through life. The good news is that even if we haven’t received enough positive childhood feedback from our caregivers and the environment, we have the opportunity to build it now into adulthood.
By decision to confidence
Deciding that we will change what does not satisfy us is paramount in the process of change. The decision is preceded by an awareness of our own discontent and the realization that we are preventing ourselves from progressing. Once we decide that we will only change what we can change – ourselves, we will take action without delay and sabotage.
Changing your own behavior is not always an easy and enjoyable thing to do. These include our values and beliefs that we have nurtured over the years, and sometimes it will take some more effort and desire to change, in order to change ineffective beliefs and behaviors to be effective and healthy for us. In addition, our feelings are included. Many people block their fear of change so much that they remain in their negativity and suffering because their familiar environment gives them a false sense of security and the ability to control their lives. But research results show that most of our fears never come to fruition, so any effort to make a positive change makes sense.
What to do?
In order to gain more self-confidence, we must first of all get to know and accept ourselves completely, as well as accept all that we do not like and that we cannot change from the past.
Get to know yourself by trying new things and letting yourself fail. Instead of harsh self-criticism, ask yourself:
What have I learned from this?
What else will I do differently?
It is of utmost importance to take care of yourself and your needs in building self-esteem. Instead of constantly meeting other people’s needs, think daily about what you need? And treat yourself!
Develop closeness with other people when you need support. Stay away from people who are drawing your life energy and surround yourself with those who are positive in you.
Awaken and encourage success – Follow the small steps, have patience for your own gradual change and process, be realistic in expectations and not give up in failure.