Alan and I went over every day of our lives with our children. We never put one above the other. We never made one feel precious and the other rubbish.
When Ethan was born I was extra attentive to our first born, Seth as was Alan. When Ethan was napping, we would be playing a game with Seth. By the time Seth was four and Ethan was three they were best friends. We sent them to a play school together.
When Tessa was born she was ‘the baby’ and our sons had so much in their lives, had so much of us in their lives, they didn’t feel ‘deprived’.
I never paraded Tessa as my sister did her children. Never coddled one to the exclusion of the other. I never so focused on one child to the deprivation of the others.
As Alan, I didn’t want my children too exposed to their Aunt Miri and her ‘mothering practices’ so we ‘missed’ a number of weekend visits. Miri never came to visit and it was not a problem.
Sometimes we’d spend more time with Alan’s family, sometimes we’d visit amusements. We didn’t make an issue of it. If Tessa said she wanted to see Lynn we’d say “Okay, we’ll stop on our way to….” and do so.
Tessa would as if Lynn could come with us, and Miri would decline.
Why keep a child you ignore home to be ignored?