When you are a victim you need, somehow, to surmount it. You need to shed that feeling. You need to take control. You need to feel ‘in charge’ and most of all; You NEED to KNOW how the abuse which made you into a victim WAS DONE.
When you analyse a past relationship, when you see how you were exploited…not that you were but HOW it was done, you gain control. Knowing HOW is the handle of the knife.
You can not live your life being fearful, having doubts about your abilities or worth. You must analyse Abuse to know HOW it was caused, and once you do, it CAN NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is why when you attempt to have a normal relationship with your EX you expect all the lies, the tricks, the provocations, the insults, etc. You Expect it.
This is your EX.You have moved on.
Maybe you’ve married again, maybe you have relocated a thousand miles away. You are going for the “HI/BYE” kind of bland.
The Abuser will attempt to absorb you. IT CAN’T HAPPEN.
And you prove it to yourself.