When your Ex is an abuser, you have to analyse the abuse so that you understand how it operates. How you were ‘operated’ upon.
This is vital for your own integrity and to prevent subsequent relationships ever going in this direction.
When you attempt to normalise relationships with an abusive Ex he may try to manipulate you. If you are distant, he will post his plot in an email.
There is no sense in writing a long missive exposing his plot. You read the email, you know his attempt, and you flush it. You don’t respond.
If he is stupid enough to write again on that topic, don’t respond.
If he is speaking to you, whether before you or on the phone, and he puts forward some plot, say nothing as if you are waiting for the next sentence. When he has to repeat himself or demand response, take a breath, say no and end the call.
Give no explanation, justification, discussion, slap his project away as a mosquito.
If he is in front of you say, ‘no’, in a flat voice, and walk away.
Even the world’s greatest manipulator can’t be effective if he’s talking to an empty space.