When you attempt to have a normal relationship with an abusive Ex, enter with the expectation he will try to exert control.
It will be over time, a bland, easy level of communication may begin to move into a bit more intense and it may happen that he will try to manipulate you.
He may bring forward plans and projects and ideas which will swallow your life. He may try to set the blueprint for how the relationship is to proceed.
Expect it. Be prepared.
Abusers have to control and dominate. It is in their DNA.
They will deny themselves pleasure if it offends their ‘rules’.
Be aware, remember the games he played, his tricks and manipulations. Keep them in front of you as eye lashes.
In this way, he fails.