Abuse is never just physical. It is never just overt. Most abuse is not physical and is designed in such a clandestine manner that it is almost impossible to verbalise.
An Abuser ‘wins’ when his victim can not define the abuse without sounding insane.
Child abusers, especially those over 40, try to use their parent’s age against them, so that even if the parent can state the activities the child performed, the parent sounds in need of medication.
For a very clear example, here is Jason, who was 46. He told his mother that her granddaughter, Tabitha, wanted to know her family history.
This sounded uplifting and inclusive.
Amelia, Jason’s mother, was stunned by his request, and was happy to comply. She went home and decided to begin with her father’s father. She began to write ‘Chapters’.
Amelia was captured by this task and was writing with a fervour. She had decided to send a chapter a day. The task truly invigorated her and she spent much time composing the chapters and saving them as drafts.
Amelia had sent 1, 2, 3, which covered the days of her grandfathers and grandmothers. Then, somewhat accidentally, instead of pressing ‘save as draft’ for Chapter 20, which described her first day of school, (jumping fifty years).
She realised her mistake, but something told her to wait.
Jason made no reaction.
He didn’t write and say; “Mom! You left out!…” . “Mom, how did you jump from your Grandmother’s marriage to your first day of school?”
He didn’t write anything. This is because he didn’t read the chapters. He didn’t show them to his daughter. The whole project was to prove he could intellectually abuse his own mother.