If you do not examine the Abuse you suffered, you carry it with you as luggage. You carry it, you live it. You adopt many of your Abusers ‘mandates’.
For example, Paul and Jack were abused by their father. He beat them, not that badly to require hospitalisation or leave major signs but enough to put them in subjugation. They got away from him before they were eighteen.
One would assume they had taken control of their own lives.
The terrifying fact is that although their father hasn’t been there for over thirty years it is as if they carry him on their shoulder.
Their father had a revulsion for cigarettes. So do his sons. If they think you smoke they twist their faces and claim to smell the stink of cigarettes even if you don’t smoke.
Their father scorns e-cards. He won’t open them. Neither do his sons.
Their father tries to set ‘programs’ for other people he wishes to abuse. He will ask them to perform some complicated task for which they get no benefit, and he has no use for.
So do his sons.
In fact, whatever you see in him, you see in his sons.
This is the danger of not examining how you were abused.