At some point after the abuse, after you escaped, after you have reflected, after you have moved on, you need to remove the ‘blame’ and the anger and the need for any form of ‘retaliation’ from your life.
This is almost as difficult as leaving the Abuser.
Even when the abuser(s) are your children, you have to reach that space in which you can ‘oversee’ what happened; not only in reality, but in the minds of your Abuser(s).
With children it is often feeling that they don’t measure up; i.e. where the parents are professionals and the child is not at all academic.
Blaming parents for their failures is a method the weakest adopt.
As the parent, one needs to go through the facts to insure that they are not taking blame for what isn’t their fault.
I am sure many parents who are stranded due to the Covid lock downs will be blamed by their children for not being home.
Understanding how the abuser sees the world is a step towards balance.