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There Was No Love – part 18

My first night on board I got drunk. Although I made it back to my room without mishap, it was something I’d never done before.  I enjoyed my drunkenness, my idiotic laughter.

I enjoyed the breaking free of all the restrictions I had worn.

When I awoke, I did have a bit of a hangover, but went to breakfast, got a few aspirins.  Then I enjoyed walking around.  Doing nothing, with no pressure, being no one. No one and no one there I had to perform for.

In a short time, I was bored but it was an acceptable boredom.  It was not a frustrated boredom, it wasn’t an enforced boredom, it was just  having nothing to do.

Nothing to do and nothing to prove.

I felt tension, pressure dropping off me as sweat, as the years I inflicted myself with my false marriage evaporated.

When I felt easier, I spent the rest of day in casual conversation with anyone who spoke to me, ate my meals, and did not drink as much at dinner.

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Written by jaylar