There are few people who have had a background in negotiation, even if it is one of the most essential skills in business and in life itself. We are continuously negotiating – to obtain greater and better agreements in our favour. In my book “How I Do Business,” I took all my years of study and direct experience in negotiations and translated them into several basic components, breaking down what it takes to be a great negotiator and the mistakes that should be avoided.


Simply, the purpose of a negotiation is to maximize the attainment of your interests. You will never enter into a negotiation to get the least you can, right? No, you will always want to get the most you can.

But at this point we can find ourselves with a paradox: to get the most out of what you want, you must also try to get the other person to get their interests. For me to get everything I want, I have to give you what you want. And this is the point where things get complicated. There is a way to get what you want and to give the other person what you want with little struggle. This is the power of negotiation.


First, it is important to understand the three components of a negotiation:

Desire:  There must be a desire on both sides to start negotiating.

Agreement: You have to import the result, but you should not care too much.

There are no fixed rules: There will always be some rules, if for example you and I are negotiating for you to buy your car, surely we will be both dressed. This type of rules is understood. But, regarding the value of the car and how should we start negotiating? In this aspect, there are no fixed rules.


The energetic negotiation works on some basic rules. First, it’s about adding, not subtracting. It’s about solving problems, not about discussing. Finally, we try to reformulate our discourse and empathize with the point of view of the person with whom we negotiate. Why are there so many people who think that negotiating is so difficult? A key concept is the difference between position and interest.


Try to remember some negotiation in which you have felt frustrated. Maybe it was because you were negotiating about your position against their position and it took a competitive edge. Negotiations based on positions usually work in the following way: I say one thing and you cast yourself and defend your position. So I defend mine. And this is where our egos come in, and where we begin to worry about who is right and who is wrong. Each one takes a position and says what he is willing or unwilling to do. Where can you go from here?

Instead of negotiating from your position, you should negotiate from your interest. What motivates you? That is what really matters. Let’s see two examples:

Example 1: Suppose I have been dating a woman for 3 or 4 years and I am madly in love with her. So I ask you to marry me. Is it a position or an interest?

Right now, it’s just one position.

But if I say then, “I want you to marry me to be my lifelong companion, with whom to share my life, with whom to grow up.” Or I could say, “I want you to marry me because I want someone to clean up for me. my. I want someone to scrub the dishes. I want someone to be the mother of my children, to cook me. “When I say why I want him to marry me, he knows my interests and now he can make a better decision to get the result that interests him.

Example 2: You are thinking of buying a house, so you call a real estate agent. What would happen if the first thing the agent said was: “You will not believe it! I have a bargain for you! There is a house that just arrived this morning. It’s going to be sold in two days, and it’s a great opportunity. We have to go see her right now ! “

You would probably be scared. There is no real estate agent who tells that to his clients. And if there is, it sure is not a successful agent. A good real estate agent would tell you something similar to the following: “A pleasure to talk to you. Tell me what you are looking for. Did you just move to the city? Do you know the city? Are you going to work in the centre of the city? in the suburbs? How long do you think you can afford to spend a day to get to and from work? Have children? What price do you have in mind? How many rooms do you need?

Here the real estate agent is at your side – you want to buy a house – and immediately start looking for your interests. The more you know about what you want and need, the easier it will be to meet your expectations. This is the reason why an excellent agent will always want to know information beyond where you want to live and the size of your family to know which houses you should show. “A house for a large family” can mean different things to different people, so the more detailed the information the agent gets, the more likely you are to find the house you want.

The next time you have to negotiate, remember this: Your positions are your behaviour. Your interests are what motivates your behaviour. If you have not had a successful negotiation, it is probably because you have focused on positions. But entering into a negotiation and focusing on what your interests are and those of the person with whom you are negotiating, you can design a solution that does not require too much conflict. Things will go more smoothly, the options for everyone to satisfy their interests will be dramatically increased, resulting in a successful negotiation.


What do you think?


Written by Radha L

Content AuthorYears Of Membership

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