Sam began an email correspondence with his Ex-wife Nina, mother of his sons, when the boys were adults.
Nina, who had been shoved from the centre of their lives, who had been locked out, and who, when she reached out was rejected, had a totally different image of what was going on.
It took time for Sam and Nina to reach the stage of pure honestly.
Sam believed she would be angry and resentful that he had captured the children. She wasn’t. He thought Nina would lash out at him, but she didn’t.
He began to believe that what he thought would upset her, didn’t.
As conversations continued, there was a point when she felt she could ask:
“If your mother was such a Great Mother why are they whining about things that happened a decade ago?” Then went into specific whines of the boys.
Sam thought about it. If they had wanted to go to the zoo why didn’t they reply when he asked; “What do you want to do?” Why didn’t they say it, instead of ‘nothing’.
Sharing these concerns with Nina was somewhat healing. She saw many things he hadn’t, she heard between the words.
He agreed with Nina, keeping their communication ‘secret’ from their sons made sense.