Imagine two young parents, struggling. They have children. They can’t feed them. They believe the best thing For The Children is to send them to a relative who can look after them.
They make this decision and believe it is the right one.
Standing outside, dealing logically, it does seem the wisest move. In many cases, it is. In a few, however, the psychological make up of the child or children converts this into rejection.
They become what I call ‘Pit Children‘.
Regardless of what the parents did or do, these children will NEVER move from resentment. They have an overwhelming need to ‘fix’ their parents and ‘destroy’ any subsequent children.
The Pit Child will, when of if the Parents return for them, refuse to go. They will claim that they want to stay with a relative to ‘punish’ the parents. Usually they elevate the care giver as a ‘Great’ parent despite whatever lacks exist.
In truth, their mentality is ; “You didn’t want me! Now I don’t want you!”
As the child matures with this mentality, when the parents have other children, the Pit Child will labour to turn those children against the parent(s).
The tragedy is that in most cases, the parent is unaware of the nature of the ‘Pit Child’. The ‘Step’ parent might perceive the flaws and if speaking is attacking, so becomes silent. Attempts to include the Pit Child or Children in the family backfires. The focus of the Pit Child is to destroy the family.
If one can perceive the toxicity of this child and protect the other children, (as Zel did in the article) those other children grow without damage.
If one does not, then the toxic child will infect the other children to cause pain to the parents.
Logic has nothing to do with it.
Protecting the normal children must come first, because the Pit Child will require extensive psychological help over his/her life time, and will, even deep into his forties, continue to whine about not having a birthday party or going to the zoo when they were eight.
It is this ridiculous whine which finally alerts as to the nature of the Pit Child, if not previously discerned.
Understand, there is nothing one can do once a child, (be he eight or eighteen or forty eight) has entered this stage except remove one’s self and one’s other children.