Often, the signs of an Abuser are ignored. This is because some are hidden, some can be rerouted, some are only visible if you have been abused and are familiar with the patterns.
When you meet someone who ‘binds’ himself to various ‘rules’, don’t shrug. Ask.
If the response is normal;
“Well, I’m watching my weight so have decided that I will only have ice cream on Sunday,” nod.
Unless, he decides you can only have ice cream on Sunday, and becomes angry if you don’t follow his rule
People who set pointless rules often have them as a starting point. The rules get longer and obedience becomes more non-negotiable.
A fact you must never forget; Abusers Never change. If you meet someone ten, twenty years later you categorised as an Abuser, you will see the same traits; maybe not dispensed in the same way, maybe diverted, but the same traits.
This is vital. Because the man of 21 who will create impossible hurdles for his girlfriend and beat her when she fails, will, at 61, create impossible hurdles for whomever he has in his ambit, and will resort to a non physical punishment.