Affection

I’ve got – two loving mothers Who i’m sure – passively still love each other Who both supported me through panic attacks and shaking shudders who did their best to hold me near when I was paralysed with fear. But damn! I wish I had a Dad! There were times when she was gone her feet dragged her down until she couldn’t go on and we couldn’t handle any feelings that weren’t said through song all  she could do was hold me close through her drugs induced  comatose but  Mama, I swear, I don’t blame you.  And, well… There were days I didn’t know her three  jobs, college, and fear up to her nose, her anxiety  got the best of her past even broken bones, she never  knew peace so how could she give it to me? But Mutti, I swear, it wasn’t your fault.  Until 8, I grew up with a mom who wasn’t mine,Sometimes, her morals all paused to hit rewind and  I’d find with time that sometimes being alone is better than living in an abusive home,Susan, don’t you dare claim you raised me.  But still… My moms did the best they could,I grew up loved to the beat of goatskin and wood, And maybe they didn’t raise me like a mom should,But they raised me to feel, Empathy so high I can lose sight of what’s real through  it all, you two have always loved me.