the light
passing
i feel the breeze
as the windows
squeezes shut, forcing the air
occupying the same space to
explode in and out at the same time
the click
as the window closed
now shows only the refracted light
and
leaves that
brush against the glass
to leave smeared paintings
of things
that have not been
since
the window
closed.
-
have you ever felt deja vue?
-
Yes
-
No
-
Yes it is. Maybe with us our relatives.
Very nice post. I often feel deja vu. I have the feeling that someone is with me, although there is no one.
it is truly interesting. based on the comments I’ve gotten, I am rethinking some of my view on deja vu.
Great job on this one Doc. I feel deja vu often and I know it is Dustin. I just believe.
Also, the light caught my eye through your words.
Thank you, the kindness is welcomed!
Thanks – I never thought of Deja Vu that way. wow, that is a game changer. I need to ponder that one for awhile.
You know I always think like that, like a presence around me. I have even turned to see who or what was there many times. Then I realize what it actually was. Call me crazy, probably am, but it helps get me through.
honestly, i have to say that it is stunning. No crazy, it is something I have felt a million times, but you are right, There is a context beyond me there.
Wow. Mind is blown! Thank you, Carol!!!!!
I think this would work better with longer lines. I have never understood the fetish of cutting lines up into tiny pieces – it does nothing to improve the quality of a poem to my way of thinking. In fact, it does precisely the opposite. Try rewriting this in lines that reflect the way you would say them. For example:
The light passing.
I feel the breeze as the window squeezes shut,
Forcing the air occupying the same space
To explode in and out at the same time.
The click as the window closed
Now shows only the refracted light
And leaves that brush against the glass …
Etc, etc. I think that makes it a whole heap better. Do you agree?
It is different,
I learned the other model when I was young and am kind of stuck in it. But I do agree it makes a different poem!!!
nicely written , thank you for sharing
did the imagery catch your eye? what did you like?