in

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the window closing

the light

passing

i feel the breeze

as the windows

squeezes shut, forcing the air

occupying the same space to

explode in and out at the same time

the click

as the window closed

now shows only the refracted light

and

leaves that

brush against the glass

to leave smeared paintings

of things

that have not been

since

the window

closed.

  • have you ever felt deja vue?

    • Yes
    • No

What do you think?

14 points
Legend

Written by DocAndersen

I am a long time blogger and technology poster.I focus on what is possible, but I also try to see what is coming. In recent years I have been focused on sharing the memories of my family, as part of my Family History Project.

13 Comments

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  1. I think this would work better with longer lines. I have never understood the fetish of cutting lines up into tiny pieces – it does nothing to improve the quality of a poem to my way of thinking. In fact, it does precisely the opposite. Try rewriting this in lines that reflect the way you would say them. For example:

    The light passing.

    I feel the breeze as the window squeezes shut,

    Forcing the air occupying the same space

    To explode in and out at the same time.

    The click as the window closed

    Now shows only the refracted light

    And leaves that brush against the glass …

    Etc, etc. I think that makes it a whole heap better. Do you agree?

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