One of the things that always concerns me is the reaction of people when you argue with them. There are four reactions listed below.
1. They hear your argument and change their mind.
2. They hear your argument and present additional information that supports their original position.
3. They ignore you
4. They attack you as a person.
I have come to the realization that I no longer interact with anyone that uses the last two methods. Hey if you disagree, it’s ok! I find many ideas in the world, the more ideas you are exposed to, the better you can react to information the next time. I love to learn new things and relish reading posts that introduce new information. I also try to respond to posts that share information that isn’t true as well. I do try to present a counter-argument with links if possible, to facts that disagree with the position of the author. There are few people that have shared things that I couldn’t tolerate. I wish there were a report content button, but there isn’t.
To make Virily successful, we need several things. The first is a vibrant community. Let us spend time figuring out how we as a writing community can help Virily get new users. How do we convince writers to join Virily? Virily pays pretty equally for reading and posting. Yes, the reality is if you post 1-2 items per day, you will generate more Virils over time than simply reading posts every day. That said, I set a personal goal of reading 20 or more posts a day. That means I get between 80 or so Virils every day from that. I also generate 240 Virils a day (or more depending on the post type( for Authors. Beyond that, I share posts with Social Media and get decent responses there.
Let’s end with this. Everyone makes mistakes. It happens. I make mistakes. You make mistakes. IT happens! The first time, if something happens, I usually will see how it plays out, but normally I don’t do anything. If you treat me poorly once, hey it happens. If you treat me poorly twice, I will stop interacting with you. If you apologize, I will, of course, give you a second chance. But I draw the line at the 3rd time. If you apologize and then do the same thing, then I will ignore you. I don’t have time to spend on people that need to clean up their act. I want to create a vibrant, growing community of authors, readers, and interactions. I hope you do as well!!!
It is hard to ignore someone when they make a point of saying mean things, right?
It is getting close to time for a new Movers project, right?
Will you share the best thing about Virily in the Comments?
Do you feel the same as I do in this post?
I can see the future of Virily as the best community. The rank is doing well. It seems that nowadays, most roads are going to Virily. It’s the talk of the town. Hope everything happens as we want it to be.
I will have to check some of the network monitors I hadn’t looked around traffic.
Thanks for the positive thoughts!!!
There is an inherent problem with communication by typing: The same way that an oracle works because it must be interpreted by the receiver (Carl Jung) typing communication requires reading by the receiver. Comments are often brief for expediency and may seem abrupt or harsh. Someone may be in a bad mood, etc…. Care with words by the writer and, most importantly, neutrality when reading by the receiver are tantamount for communication with no voice, no eyes, etc….
Doc, I find you quite affable, forgiving, optimistic, etc… in your communications.
I meant to come off as an grouchy former teacher 🙂
To play in the sandbox, one should never throw sand. If a cat comes to use it as a litter box, just simply remove the cat. I tend to ignore the bad stuff. It is hard though at times, and agree with you.
Thanks – as always your support is spot on and perfectly timed Kim!!!
People like you help Virily thrive to become a great writing community. I agree with everything you said.
You, Kim, Ghostwriter, Carol the list goes on and on people that help Virily grow!
Now I am blushing Doc Anderson lol. You make it grow a great deal. Now your turn to blush lol.
i feel the heat in my cheeks. thank you LaJenna. You are a very kind person.
I’ll be honest, I like to write , read , post pictures and earn which is why I am here on Virily. I am also here because unlike the other sites where I need to write serious articles Virily allows me to simply share my thoughts. I am here to have fun and enjoy this site. I don’t like to get into arguments and negative interaction. I avoid those who can’t be nice and say mean stuff.
That is always the best path! Thanks for the comment!!!
Q: It is hard to ignore someone when they make a point of saying mean things, right?
Yes (10 votes) – 77%
No (3 votes) – 23%
Q: It is getting close to time for a new Movers project, right?
Yes (10 votes) – 83%
No (2 votes) – 17%
Q: Will you share the best thing about Virily in the Comments?
Yes (10 votes) – 91%
No (1 votes) – 9%
Q: Do you feel the same as I do in this post?
Yes (11 votes) – 100%
Thought I would share the results for those of you playing along at home!
I think there should be a 2.5 where you both agree to disagree, but that could be argued as a subset of 3…
Ledante’s Law! 🙂
Should I simply add a 3rd option? Alex select me? 😉
Agree and disagree is always an interesting middle ground.
it can end with one or both parties ignoring eachother, or simply pause for more information or a better argument…
now you have me thinking about issues in collaboration.
and then there is that. working with a client who says they want one thing but really wants the opposite…
scope creep 🙂
until they do it to you a second time, then it is Creep creating scope creep!
if they don’t even know what they want, it isn’t scope creep it is unscoped and misunderstood
true, but then isn’t that on both sides? requirements gathering is not an art form…
nope, it is a fairly simple process that begins with an SRD… when both sides sign off on it, you can begin
The most critical thing is the agreement to proceed! I have watched many projects fail because of that very failure point.
on the other hand, that is the optimal place to fail
that is very true, better to fail to start than to fail in the middle!
that’s the whole point of the SRD, to determine feasibility…
The problem with the reality of feasibility studies is always, the bias of the originator.
John Boyd, the creator of the OODA loops, talked about the need to modify the orientation of the observer (and ultimately changing the bias before feasibility).
you can set the expectations of your client, but how do you manage your own biases? most of the time you may not even be aware of them…
You approach that from the reality of orientation.
Push the observer to a new or unusual position, that allows the bias of the traditional view to be removed.
Then you implement a series of feedback loops designed to remove the bias.
It can be very painful.
sounds liberating to me, but I can see where it would distress most people…
John Boyd is the person in the US Military that stopped the Abrams M1 tank from being built (didn’t do the job).
He was called the 60-second man.
Nobody could touch him in a dog fight. He was one of the best pilots the world has ever seen.
He is the creator of the air brake (jets use that to suddenly change direction)
innovation in the military?
It is funny in the short term, but the massive reality of the innovation is huge in the DOD.
Things that we take for granted today are in fact based on DOD advancement.
that is true. the net was a DARPA project, after all…
as was the cell phone.
As was the GPS systems we all rely on.
the list marches on into infinity..
but are spinoff technologies actually innovation?
cell phone evolved from packet radio systems so I think that would be a yes.
GPS was also an evolution from the concept of radar and sonar. if you can locate something by radio, surely radio can pinpoint where you are.
I would say they are both innovations.
the adhesive for post-its wasn’t an innovation in my book, because it was a mistake. someone just found a use for it…
that is very interesting and you have drawn a line. Most people just accept the concept of innovations, from advertising.
it is an important distinction for me, but I can see how most folks would find it useless, or even pedantic
you definition is solid – I think it is solid.
I don’t argue with results, but I can still argue categorization…
the ability to adapt with changing times, is the most critical skill life long learners acquire!
adapt or perish- this is the law of nature
The fact that I am here every single day since I joined shows that I like it What more can I say.
Yes. if someone ignores my posts I ignore theirs ?
I’ve heard that one if someone ignores my posts I ignore theirs. My rule has always been if I am interested i read.
I don’t care if the other person reads my posts.
Now if that person attacks me, and not ideas once, I don’t care. If they do it many times, i stop reading their posts.
Let me explain. It is like showing interest in what one does. If it is a one way traffic surely that is not healthy
I understand your position. I wonder what you would do if someone changes every comment you made on multiple authors posts and said “you are wrong, you are mean.” On every single thing you posted (posts) and comments (including comments on other authors posts).
would that change your mind?
I am sure your friends there will counter that comment. I would surely do it if I come across it but I have so far not seen such mean comments on your posts.
Not since the person that used to make them, got banned.
I believe in standing up for people regardless.
I thought you had to go through this despite reporting If the user is banned that is how it should be.
It took a long time to get the admin team to ban the user.
I love Virily. With a few hitches, it’s still a great site. I have made friends on Virily and I have learned much.
I can complain much about Virily but the fact is that I can’t leave it. When I’m hooked, I stay no matter what???
Virily is the type of site where the community is the most important thing!
But your point is well taken, there are issues. Some of the issues are 3 or more years old. Some of them are new.
Either way, it is a great community!
I sometimes argue in reality but I never do it in the internet. Thus I do not receive negative. I prefer to see what I agree with and put a comment on what I think the same with the author.
I agree with your idea to point to a mistake or inaccuracy but will do it myself maybe in 5% of cases…
It is of course, a personal choice. We all have to do what we feel comfortable with. It is ok to argue it is ok not to argue.
You have to be you!!!
Thanks for the comment!
I don’t want to argue. This is already in my “nature”. I think we are good people here who do not want to argue but enjoy ourselves. I totally agree with you. We must not allow insult
Nature is an interesting word when applied to people. Your nature does come through in your comments and your posts!
I want to make our community stronger and grow the number of authors!
I personally do not have any problems with Virily … if someone doesn’t answer me, I just ignore it, but it doesn’t seem wise to communicate with someone if he doesn’t know the minimal etiquette
I would agree with that – it is about operating within the boundaries of ethics!
That’s right, my friend … some really don’t have minimal basic values
So when you see someone attacking others online do you stop engaging with the attacker or do you defend the other people?
I most often break contact with the attacker .. I speak for the attacker, but I prefer to send him a private message in support … I do not want to expose myself and argue publicly, dear friend
I find myself torn. I have been told, at times to ignore people. I do, when asked by those in authority, obey that request. But I also find the injustice in someone who blatantly attacks others.
I do everything within my means in life to avoid drama. This includes online as well. Cannot and will not tolerate it. I agree with you Doc. We all deserve respect.
if it helps, you have my respect!
I agree with what you said. We don’t have the time or patience for haters here on Virily. We are a community of like-minded people who just want to write and share and comment without a lot of drama.
I love the way you put it, perfect!!!
Things may take time to get fix but you need to be consistent to resolve
I am always consistent, my wife says I am a rock sometimes.
I fully support your opinion. The point is, I don’t always have the opportunity to be regular like a year ago.
I do miss your pictures and the breakfast/lunch invites! 🙂 But thank you for the support it means a lot to me!
Thanks Doc. I will personally post something special for you. I have no time lately. The season is for the beach.
I will watch for it! You are very kind!
Oh man, have I made some colossal mistakes and thankfully there were people here to “kindly” point it out and give me guidance. I will be forever grateful.
I was trying to tell someone in my home about Doc and it was quite funny because he wanted to remember what we were talking about so he was taking notes. I have the notes he wrote laminated on a card because he somehow took what I said, changed the words and made something that I will forever cherish. It’s just a list of words and phrases that he created from my babble and for me it’s right on. This is exactly how he wrote it.
Stranger, Wise, Knows everything because willing to learn what he doesn’t know, Not ever lost at sea, and loves the water, family man, respectful, tolerant, steadfast, Consistent, leader and follower (those are hard to find) father, husband, and probably not a redneck, well traveled and caring.
I guess the best thing about Virily is the people I have come to know and respect. I learn new things every day that I come and read and write.
Thanks for the reminders.
🙂 probably not a redneck is the second time I laughed this morning! I am honored by the words you shared!
The problem is that some people are born with inborn qualities. They cannot be changed so easily.
My answer to that is I completely agree and I completely disagree.
If someone can’t treat other people reasonably there really is no choice but for them to change. Discourse, as Socrates elaborated does not exist in a vacuum. That we each express ourselves with the Legos, Pathos, and Eros that we enter the conversation with. But, as Socrates said we are higher-order capable of walking out of that conversation changed.
I have never met a human being that could not change. Would not, is a different problem.