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Communication Patterns – long time hobby of mine!

There are several things we as people say. One of the things that someone can say to me is, “I have an open mind.” In all my years of living, I have learned that when that phrase comes up, it is time to stop the conversation. People that feel the need to say “I have an open mind” do not have an open mind. It is at that point, best to walk away. That took me years to learn. It is hard sometimes when we are arguing about walking away. There are many communication clues that I track that is one of the big ones. That got me thinking about my long-time hobby of creating fun names for communication patterns and anti-patterns. There are many communication patterns in the world. From the world of software architecture, a pattern is a repeatable and reusable component of what you are trying to build. An anti-pattern is a reaction to the explosion of or the reverse of the pattern.

I have shared both the pattern and the anti-pattern many times on many different blogs. But I haven’t shared them in a bit, so here we go!

I have an open mind, and it is an anti-pattern. It is normally uttered by someone that has their mindset on the way things are. The pattern that corresponds to that is the question asker. The question asker tries to understand the situation by asking lots of questions. They don’t start with “this is wrong” they start with things like “that is interesting, tell me more.”

The likes of you anti-pattern, these are people that similar to the open mind team, has already decided that one side of the conversation is coming from someone that is beneath them, or below their station. I chuckle when I run into this pattern because most of the time, they don’t understand. The other side of the pattern for this anti-pattern is the “did I offend you” pattern. This person asks you directly if they believe they stepped on your toes, they apologize.

One of my all-time favorite anti-patterns is one I used to run into all the time. Say you are hosting a meeting, everything is going well when suddenly someone walks in and takes over the meeting. I used to call that pattern (and still do) the project private! They come in, grab control and try to push the meeting in a new direction. The good side or pattern for that is the note taker. They walk in, sit down, and ask the host of the meeting do you want me to take notes?

Over the years, I have come up with many more. I won’t share them, and these are the first blast.

 

A couple of old posts on this topic as well

https://virily.com/technology/another-communication-anti-pattern-encountered-in-the-wild/

https://virily.com/technology/communication-patterns-anti-patterns/

  • Question /

    have you ever encountered a project pirate?

    • Yes
  • Question /

    have you ever heard the phrase a dancing bear?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Question /

    Do you ever walk away from conversations?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Question /

    Do you sometimes think communication is hard?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Question /

    have you ever thought about communication patterns?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Question /

    would you share more in the comments?

    • Yes
    • No

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What do you think?

13 points
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Written by DocAndersen

One fan, One team and a long time dream Go Cubs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 Comments

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  1. I do say I am openminded. When I say that, I meant, I have my own way of doing things and will not meddle with the way you do yours. I also meant I have my own perspectives of things but that am open to the possibility that it may not be absolutely right and that there may be merit in hearing yours.

    See, taken from a different perspective, I can say that what you think as anti-pattern may be a reflection of your own thinking and not the other person 😂😜. In this life, there are always contradicting truths. For me, it is best to just keep on my own whether people approve of it or not.

  2. Q: HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERED A PROJECT PIRATE?
    Yes (2 votes) – 100%
    Q: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE PHRASE A DANCING BEAR?
    No (4 votes) – 100%
    Q: DO YOU EVER WALK AWAY FROM CONVERSATIONS?
    Yes (3 votes) – 75%
    No (1 votes) – 25%
    Q: DO YOU SOMETIMES THINK COMMUNICATION IS HARD?
    Yes (4 votes) – 100%
    Q: HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT COMMUNICATION PATTERNS?
    Yes (1 votes) – 25%
    No (3 votes) – 75%
    Q: WOULD YOU SHARE MORE IN THE COMMENTS?
    Yes (2 votes) – 67%
    No (1 votes) – 33%

    • it really does, but there is a difference between starting a conversation with “i have an open mind.” and what you just said! I believe what you said. I just know when someone starts the conversation with i have an open mind, it is not going to work.

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