Julie and I discouraged visits, from our parents and visits back home tossing every possible excuse. We’d wait until our daughter, Marianne was four, so that we could claim she was big for her age of ‘three’.
We bought a nice house on a fairly easy mortgage and had our second child. We lots of activities and friends and our lives were happy. There was no arguing over which school we should send our kids to, or what color we should paint the bedroom. We had nothing to argue about.
The only flaw was that on the anniversary of Marty’s death, I had to create a ‘diversion’. It had to seem natural, and accidental.
One year we went on a cruise with the kids, one year we were at Disneyland. One year Damien, our son, broke his arm.
After a few years I didn’t have to work so hard on avoiding the anniversary. We created a ‘ritual’; we’d share a bottle of wine, light a candle, and tell Marty what we were doing.
It would last about an hour, and we wouldn’t have any ‘take aways’.