This pandemic, all my job changes, having my brother go through surgery, and watch him as he struggles to get back has his strength has made me question my core beliefs and I believe I am lacking in faith. He seems content with whatever it is, is meant to be and I am swimming against the stream. I have become disorganized and very tired. Not tired from working hard, I am just always fatigued. I am ashamed. Perhaps what has happened is that I have lost all gratitude. I am not happy with who I have become. Something needs to change in a big way. I am just not sure what it is.
https://youtu.be/xOgAmQvOUM0I know things need to change because I can’t go on like this. I am just uncertain what the next step is. Not sure what brought it on so solid this afternoon. It was like hitting a brick wall.