I had wanted to tell Mickey the second I received my fellowship, but there were emergencies, and mega events and it wasn’t until we were in my bed, after, that there was a space to speak.
Lying in my bed, I had said;
“I want to show you something…” and handed Mickey the envelope.
Mickey took it, read, it, looked at me with a smoldering smile.
“You turned it down…” he said not asked.
I, thinking he was being sarcastic or ironic, laughed.
He looked at me, his smile held, then began to evaporate.
I didn’t realise then that Mickey had thought I had turned down the fellowship. That he thought I loved him so much that I would toss away this fantastic opportunity to be with him.
He was staring at me, waiting for me to speak, and I didn’t realise he thought our love was greater than my career.