So you’ve been single for a while and it seems like you’re the only one that struggles to meet single women. Like your friends can’t go a week without meeting someone great and all you seem to find are married women, huh?
The thing is, you’re not alone in this. Not by a long shot. In fact the most likely reason it seems like your friends have so much better luck is just good old confirmation bias. It also doesn’t help that there are a lot of terrible dating tips out there.
Struggling to meet single women only continues to get more difficult as you grow older too. So many people are married or at least in a long term relationship by the time you hit 30, so what do you do?
Today I’m going to walk you through a few of the biggest reasons why you’re finding it difficult to meet single women. The good news is, it’s not a hard problem to fix, just get your head in the right space and think about where you hang out.
Why you’re struggling to meet single women
I’ve certainly felt this way in the past and have a couple of close friends that still feel it now. I know first hand what it feels like. Now, looking at it from the outside as my friends struggle, it all seems so much more obvious.
Before we start, fair warning. Most of these tips are going to sound like common sense but you need to hear them. Why? Because there’s no magic here. “Luck” isn’t a real thing and there’s no mystical force that wants you to be single.
Not going to the right places
This is definitely the biggest problem I used to have. If you’re spending most of your time at home or hanging out at small house parties, you’re only hurting yourself. Spending time with your friends is important, but you have to venture out into the world.
You don’t have to hit up night clubs if that isn’t your scene. There’s nothing wrong with heading to your local bar for a few drinks and seeing where the night takes you.
As helpful as alcohol can be for social interaction, not everything has to revolve around drinking either. Sign up for a mixed team sport or pick up a new hobby where you’ll be forced to meet new people.
This expands your social circle, gives you something fun to focus on and inevitably puts you in front of more single women. If you’re stuck for ideas, the Internet is your friend — there are countless articles that will give you a list of places to meet single women of all kinds, from women who are into different hobbies to great places to find single cougars.
Always hanging with your couple friends
Another factor that made my problems even worse for sure. Not only did I tend to prefer small, familiar groups, but when I did go out it would be with couples. Most of my friends were in long-term relationships, so it wasn’t uncommon for me to be the fifth wheel.
That side of things wasn’t uncomfortable. But at the same time, it wasn’t the best environment for me to be meeting new people.
Instead, get a small group of your single friends together and head out every now and then. You’ll be surprised how much of a difference it makes. The way it changes your body language and the message you’re conveying to anyone that’s paying attention.
You’ll even notice the types of places you hang out with single friends is better. Instead of quiet restaurants and cinemas, it’s lively bars and fun local events. Everything starts looking up very quickly.
Not looking online
How could I possibly write an article about meeting single women without mentioning the Internet, right?
There are so many great dating apps and websites available with user bases in the millions. According to datingadvice.com, there are over 7,500 active dating sites around the world. If social anxiety is a problem, you can always use dating apps to get you started. Just don’t let it be your limitation.
It’s so easy to set up a great bio, add your photos and swipe away. If you really want to work on those social skills though, you’re going to have to leave that couch eventually.
Trying to be a “pickup artist”
Another one that I fell victim to for a brief period of time. Thankfully I snapped out of that one pretty quickly before I took that garbage into the real world.
The thing about the PUA community is that they create a safe and understanding space. They also claim to solve so many of the problems you’re struggling with. Preying on your insecurities, they promise to make you an absolute machine in the dating world and. . . it’s nonsense. They’re a major contributor to some of the worst dating advice you’ll find online.
Do yourself a favor and don’t fall into this trap. You don’t need to go “sarging” for “Hot Babes” and defeating “Another Frustrated Chump”. Instead, you just need to work on your confidence and spend time in the right places.
Here’s a pro tip the PUA community seems to forget but I’ll give it to you for free: Women are human just like you. You don’t need to perform a mating dance or take cheap shots at their feelings of self-worth to get a date. It’s cringey and won’t get you anything of substance.
In fact, in a 2019 survey, 47% of women want a man who sees her as his equal. Read some PUA material and tell me the community falls into that category. . .
Instead, spend a little time working on yourself. You don’t need a community of nerds pretending to be sex gods. What you need is to appreciate yourself so that others can too. Once you reach this point everything about you will change for the better. People will want to be around you.
Again, speaking from experience.
Entitlement
This is one that I see in one of my closest friends and it kills me. He’s a smart, fit and attractive guy yet the reason he’s still single is his mindset.
In talking to him, he feels as though the world owes him a smart, funny, accomplished girlfriend. As though by his pure existence, he deserves to have one dropped in his lap.
He doesn’t want to use dating apps. He doesn’t want to talk to women and he doesn’t want any help in being introduced to them either. What he wants is either for them to approach him or for a friend to set something up.
I’ll tell you the same thing I told him: that’s not how this works. This attitude unfortunately breeds resentment and the sense of entitlement becomes apparent very quickly.
The moment that bitterness begins to show through, women immediately see red flags and start to back away. It’s frustrating I know, but it’s something to be very aware of. Maybe this is you or maybe it isn’t, but take a moment to think about it objectively.
As Thomas so aptly vented in one of our posts last year, “Self-entitlement is not worth, it just shows that nobody will ever live up to your standards, appearance and success wise, which explains why you cannot keep a relationship.
Only you can say why you can’t seem to meet any single women. Take a look at where you hang out, who you hang out with and what your dating mindset is. Once you do, you can change your old patterns and turn your dating life around!
