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There Was No Love — part 28

When I learned my beloved Neil had married that Jinja;  I ran.  Then,  as now, I left everything and ran away.

Unlike now, where I was happily leaving all I knew for a year’s cruise, then I had to leave.  Leave because I couldn’t bear to be anywhere that  would remind me of Neil.

I left everything.   I left myself.  I  became this shadow, this shell who married Patrick.

Now,  Patrick is gone, and I am free.

I  wonder, if I could do it again, if I would marry Patrick.

As  I thought of it, the answer was an inescapable no.

I  should not have married Patrick. I ought have waited until I found someone I could love.

If not love as I loved Neil, then admire, honour, believe in, look at with a sense of affection.

Not put up with, not live around as I had with Patrick.

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Written by jaylar