Norman was ‘abandoned’ by his parents. That is his grundnorm. That is his reality. Explanations are useless. He will never forgive his mother for leaving him with his grandparents when she went to work to support him.
It would not matter if she had died, gone to prison or lying on her back in a hospital. She abandoned him, and that sense of inferiority is permanent.
He makes up for this by acting superior and abusing those he can. It doesn’t matter what he loses, to push someone around does not simply give him pleasure, it makes him feel he is superior. To feel superior, even for a few minutes, even when it costs him everything, will not be denied.
Norman lost his first girlfriend by physical violence. His first wife left him after three and a half years of marriage.
His second wife, who needed to become an American citizen, had to put up with him for ten years, because he married her in her country and stayed there to delay her ability to gain her documents and escape his abuse.
When his second wife left him, she took everything and slapped a restraining order on him. Despite the fact they had five children, not one of them has tried to contact him.
He was twenty two when his first wife left.
At the age of sixty two a situation occurred in which his first wife had to travel to the city where they had lived forty years ago.