PaulPallazola
June, 1980. Gloucester, Massachusetts
I was in a sort of limbo. I had returned home to Gloucester nearly a year before and was working full time for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts at the Hogan Regional Center in Danvers. I liked the job but wasn’t sure if this was where I wanted to work long term. The pay & benefits were good but it was a state institution and I found it depressing, feeling like Massachusetts could do much more to help persons with developmental disabilities. Meanwhile I was continuing to work with the National Anti-Draft network of Youth Against War & Fascism and making plans to attend the Black Hills Survival Gathering in South Dakota, an anti nuclear event organized by the American Indian Movement and the Black Hills Alliance. I wrote to Rachel in London asking what was going on with her, when was she coming back to the U.S.A, and what where we to each other after 15 months and so many miles away. Early one morning I got a collect phone call from Rachel. She had forgotten the time zone difference. ” Paul I wasn’t sure how to say this to you but I’ve come out as a lesbian. Don’t take it personally but I hate men”. I wasn’t quite sure how to take that, and initially thought it was goodbye. It wasn’t.
In subsequent letters and phone conversations after Rachel returned to America I learned that she had suspected she was a lesbian long before going to Europe, even before we had met. Events that occurred while she was traveling reinforced that. It was a little hard to take finding out the person I had thought was “the girl of my dreams” was saying she had found the girl of hers. As time went on it was clear that we would always be a part of each others lives, like family, and that while the nature of our relationship had changed we were there for each other in many ways,- she was closer to me than my birth sister.
all this time later, and the government is still trying to profane the Black Hills. As if Rushmore wasn’t bad enough…
It’s terrible and such a flagrant disrespect for the Sioux religion and traditions. It would be like someone mutilating a living member of your family, but the US government continues to act like it’s John Wayne and he’s the “good guy”.
It seems like some folks won’t be happy until they’ve turned the whole place into a toxic waste dump
Did something happen to her? You mention her in past tense.
The past tense was to reflect passage of time (see Lightstar Blues V: The Strongest Man On The World) Rachel last visited in 2006 when Kathy was pregnant with Violeta, and right before Rachel started attending nursing school. We stay on touch & our kids call her “Auntie Rachel”.
What a sad situation you have had for the girl of your dream hates men and rather loves women. That’s terrible.
It we sad then but later it seemed pretty funny
Ultimately we grew to be stronger friends and for many years she’s my sister.
I dunno…you know, I think, a person should not always be a lover. If they cannot be your cup of tea, then surely they can be your cup of coffee or soda or whisky and what-the-heck-not. Besides, isn’t a friendship more precious than a relationship? Because you just love each other unconditionally?
Sometimes it’s nice to have whisky in the soda. I think the sequel to this post (The Strongest Man InThe World) reflects the sentiment you concluded with.
Hahaha but sometimes it is nice not to have those complications. From experience, it seems to me that we are always ready to accept a friend, perfections and imperfections included, without question — but we tend to put lovers under a microscope and that just makes stuff complicated.
Yes Carol has said my thoughts. Great post!
Thank you for reading & commenting LaJenna 🙂
I wrote recently about not taking things personally, and the freedom you get when you can go through life with the attitude of not taking it personally. This is a prime example of that. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Carol you are spot on there 🙂
Learned it the hard way Paul.