It’s a slow drain, but I feel it…sucking my drive to be successful and you know, actually make some money, to do the work that needs to be done, away. I know it is somewhat the depression’s fault, but that can’t be the whole story. I do possibly suffer from both SAD and Reverse SAD – which makes me sad, cause I love the summer months, especially as they are pretty short up here in Maine. But I just don’t want to do anything.
I’m still pushing forward, as much as possible – but my actual drive is gone. I want to get things done, but everything in me wants to avoid it if possible. I end up spending my days all over the place, highly distracted, irritable and completely stressed out. And my time management is nearly non-existent at the moment. I’m still getting things done, but they are mostly minor tasks, not the big ones that may get me where I want to go…kind of like writing this post.
I don’t dislike Virily or anything, but this site probably won’t get me to my income goal. But it is still a fun place to make a little bit of money now and again. Virily isn’t going to get me where I want, but it allows me to feel as though I’ve accomplished something – while I ignore the big projects on my to-do list. My self-discipline is total shit right now, and I have zero motivation. I really need to work on the self-discipline part of things, though I usually have pretty decent self-discipline, thanks to being in the Army and my own nature.
Maybe I need to go back to doing visualization or something – I’m totally off the meditation and visualization train lately. Just too scatterbrained to accomplish much of anything right now. I’m even having issues coming up with ideas for my projects and for articles – never mind blog posts! I’m blowing deadlines and just going crazy – fortunately, the deadlines are self-imposed, not for a client. That would be really bad, but that’s not the issue right now.
What do you guys do when you’ve lost your drive? How do you get it back? Inquiring minds want to know!