A Letter to Introverts by an Extrovert

Dear Extroverts,

I would like to bring to your to your attention the reasons introverts behave differently from you. As an introvert, my aim is to assist you understand why introverts behave strangely. I hope by the time you’ve finished reading this letter, it will clear up misconceptions or misunderstandings you might have had concerning introverts.

First of all,

Don’t try to change them

Don’t try to change introverts to become extroverts. They don’t want to. They prefer their personality and will stick to it. Try hard as you can, you cannot make them to become sociable when they prefer to spend most of their time by themselves, you cannot change them to be outgoing when they prefer to be indoors, and you cannot make them to be talkative because when that happens their mental energy drains quickly which affects their mood and will become physically exhaustive in a matter of minutes. They can be chatty but with people they are closely connected.

Just let them be what they are and they’ll thank you for that.

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a)  Introverts are different

Not all of us introverts are the same. Some of us are shy some are not, some of us are sociable some are not, some are reserved some are not, some like traveling some not that much, some are outgoing (not in the same context with extroverts) some are not, and some are very quiet while some are mild and others chatty. The only similarity among introverts is that they prefer to be on their own in most cases. This doesn’t mean you’ll always find them in their rooms but any place where they can engage themselves with anything that is not related to another human being.  Even if it’s in an institution, you will find them stuck in their office by themselves or a section of an office space if it’s a shared one, which will make you wonder whether they’re invisible or pretending to be.

b) They Are Not Lonely 

This is an understatement. It doesn’t mean an introvert is lonely because he/she always wants to be alone. As a matter of fact, a high percentage of extroverts are lonely. Loneliness doesn’t depend with whether an individual is an introvert or extrovert. There are factors that come into play that leads to a person to want company of others or that makes a person feels lonely even if he/she is in the company of his/her friends/family members.

Generally, introverts like staying indoors because that’s something they love most and brings them fulfillment. The same case can be applied to extroverts who find joy in talking to people, going and attending places.

We are not a bunch of lonely people the reason we decide to stay at home. Alone in my room, I read books, listen to music and watch television, and am not bored or lonely. It’s part of my individuality.

c) They Don’t Hate Being Around People

This is not true. I bet you have heard this old saying, “No man is an island.” And as far as it goes, that’s the truth. We need each other to fulfill our existence. Though a person can live with animals for long, he/she would end up lonely because he/she would long for a relationship with another human being.

We don’t hate you. In order to think clearly, reflect on things, revitalize the energy we lost during the conversation, we find these things are possible when we are by ourselves. We cannot stay all by ourselves all the time. Even for introverts who have extreme introversion personality, they cannot survive on their own. They will need others or be in their company even if it is 1% of their sum life.

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c) They Are Not Selfish

A selfish person is a person who wants to keep by him/herself because he/she doesn’t want to associate with others for a number reasons. You would term such an individual as selfish, self-seeking and proud. Introverts like to associate with others but not at a rate of extroverts.

We like associations but all we ask is to accept that we want to have time alone because more often than not we seem to reason things out, work things out in our minds without distractions when we are alone. We are not proud or selfish. Then, if you look at being selfish and proud closely you’ll realize it depends with an individual. There are introverts who are proud and selfish as is the case with extroverts. Generally, introverts aren’t selfish or proud to wanting to stay by themselves. They want to be around you but not all the time. They have got a clock-me-time now and then.

Why Do Introverts Want to be Alone?

Simply to have a time of reflection, of thinking things, to refresh our minds or rejuvenate the mental energy we lost in a public place, to rest and find things to do by ourselves. It’s hard for introverts (many of them) to think through things when they are in the presence of a group of people.

In conclusion, my dear friend, the most important thing is to learn to appreciate each other and get to learn more about each other than pointing fingers at each other, “Why are you not like us?”

Yours Truthfully,

The Introvert