Crime-Rate Rockets In Pattaya

I have had to denounce to the authorities a two-year-old who stole my magnifying glasses. She pushed her pram up to a low table and took the two objects, carefully placing them in her toy-pram. I am not a harsh disciplinarian nor am I senile but when babies steal things under my nose, I am forced to act. Had she managed to get away with it, I would have been unable to see her crime in the future given my eyesight will soon be in need of those magnifying glasses. The insensitivity of contemporary youth is everywhere apparent and not more so than in my bedroom, and it was a sad day when I saw this latest example of rampant crime unfolding before my very nostrils. I managed to video the theft, too, so it is certain that the wayward baby in question will be prosecuted by the Thai authorities. No judge will hesitate to sentence the magnifying-glass nicker, and old-age pensioners like myself will breathe sighs of relief to see justice meted out. For those of you who do not believe in stern measures to nip crime in the bud, all I say is, “Bollocks!”

Please look carefully at the video* which I have entitled “Pre-Adolescent Delinquent”. Note the baby’s cunning disguise, the American cap placed backwards on the cranium. Also observe that the criminal babe will not face the camera. Such expertise in avoiding identification in one so young will send shivers down the spines of all upright adult-communities the wide world over. My case rests.

* mysteriously vanished!

                                                The pre-adolescent delinquent with her get-away vehicle, 

                                                 the same used to steal my magnifying glasses.


What do you think?

Written by Jonathan Finch

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