When I think about the future, it causes me a certain amount of anxiety, but I try to let it go, as that achieves nothing. Things are very unsettled for me at present, mainly in terms of my job and financial status. I am on a Bank,( i.e. long-term temporary) contract with my employer, and they may not have a job for me in the New Year, due to budgetary restrictions. I just have to wait and see what happens about that. It’s a worrying thought, but I can only take it one day at a time.
I have been applying for other jobs for some time, so far have not come up with anything. I am hoping against hope that either my contract continues at work from January 2019 onwards, or I move on and find something else, preferably permanent. If neither of those things happens, the worst-case scenario is that I will end up with no job and having to claim state benefits again. I will be quite gutted if it comes to that, but will just have to make the best of it. I have already in the past had a good many years of living off benefits when I just couldn’t get a job – I had to leave my last full-time permanent employment on health grounds around 10 years ago now, and then it took me 9 years to find another full-time position (and I was jobhunting constantly throughout all those years – I had applications in absolutely everywhere, but Britain was in the grip of a very bad recession at the time, so there was just no work to be had). So that is what worries me the most – the fact that if I lose my current job, it may take me years and years to get back to work again, like it did before.
I keep telling myself that even if the worst does happen, I will still cope with it. It will be a big blow to me admittedly, but I will rally from it, as it won’t be any worse than anything I have been through before in my life, which has been a very hard and troubled one. I have been completely destitute, even homeless at one point, for long periods in the past, and survived it, and turned things around. I have now built up such strength of character that I know I can now cope with anything life throws at me. (The only way things could really get any worse for me than they have already been in my life is if I had a complete health breakdown, became disabled, permanently incapacitated, blind, etc. I am in excellent health generally, so hopefully that won’t happen. But if it does, I have to just take it on the chin.) I keep positive, I keep doing everything I can, and I accept what can’t be changed, and make the best of it.