Abusers never change. The Abused does. This is the true disaster.
Not that your husband beat you, or that your Boss from Hell oppressed you, but that you develop ‘coping’ strategies which make you less than you were.
You may learn to lie and deceive, and steal and behave in a manner you would find reprehensible the day before you entered the relationship.
These ‘coping strategies’ are detrimental to you, not to the abuser, not really.
It is only when you get out of the relationship, and look back, or in the mirror, and find a lot of very negative traits in yourself that didn’t exist the day before you met them that you begin to appreciate the depth of the abuse.
Being Abused effects your soul. It makes you feel weak and unwanted, and you develop traits which allow you to survive.
You may become unable to chose; for you ‘Know’ whatever you pick, the other option will be followed. So you know if you want chocolate ice cream you say pistachio. You may learn to unwork so as to do less each day for the Boss From Hell.
These changes are scars on your soul. You have to find them, remove them.