Inside of Myself

I lay on my bed, as if I were sleeping.  I was not.   I was living the dream.  The dream of me and Maxie being the married couple.

I imagined lying beside him, exchanging those secret smiles, those soft words,  making love.

It was a fantasy I reran every day as I prepared to sleep.

I would add bits of conversations we had, outfits he had worn, expressions.

I had been in love with Maxie from the day I met him.

I can’t forget the date; it was April 3rd.  I was engaged to marry Bob on the 3rd of June.

My sister, Jenny,  had come up to us as we entered a party, wanting to introduce us to her boyfriend, Maxie.

From the moment my eyes touched him, if I hadn’t loved my sister so much, I would have grabbed him and run.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I never knew I could love someone as I loved Maxie.