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The Worst Wedding

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I have been to my share of weddings and I can say, without pause, that the absolute worst weddings are those held at ‘all inclusive’  Hotels.

This is because these Hotels do a lot of weddings and have gotten it down to a conveyor belt style.

The  Bride and Groom have to be ‘on spot’ at a particular time, and ‘off spot’  by a particular time.  There are a limited number of spots, and a limited number of restaurants, so that the wedding is more controlled by the availability of ‘spots’ and restaurants.

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So if you want to be married under that gazebo and dine at the first class restaurant, then you have to be married at 10 am on the 13th of December. It is not up to you, it is up to the availability of a venue and a restaurant.

Now I have tried to warn people about these conveyor belt weddings and some people do listen and change the venue to a quiet guest house where they virtually take over the property for the entire day, and the wedding is exactly the way they want it.

Then there are people who don’t listen.

The Bride To Be wanted her wedding the way she wanted her wedding  and she wanted it at an all Inclusive Hotel in Jamaica

The fact she lived in Florida, her family and his family lived in Florida meant everyone would make an airline and a Hotel rich. As most people don’t have the kind of money to hop on a plane and overnight at a Hotel in Jamaica during September, (prime hurricane season) she got her ‘guest list‘ down to twelve people. These were not the ‘right’ twelve, as her best friend and her two brothers would not be able to come. Her mother tried to reason with her, but she ‘wanted her wedding the way she wanted her wedding’, so her own mother ‘didn’t have to come’. if it was going to be a problem.

As you can see, the wedding planning started on a rather bad footing.

Now this is a wedding. This is supposed to be the most significant day of one’s life. It should not be a ‘conveyor belt’ . Where you and your party have to be at point ‘A’ at  two pm, and off by two thirty pm or your wedding will be canceled because it will interfere in the Wedding set at three p.m.

Further, as each guest at an all-inclusive is X dollars you have to go by your pocket not your heart. You can only invite as many as you can afford.  And you have to pay in advance.

The mother of the bride, who knew about weddings tried to talk her into getting a guest house which would allow her the freedom to invite those she wanted, and not be tied to time. This was ignored by the bride.

As the better restaurants at the all Inclusive were already taken, her wedding supper was at  the Tex-Mex corner. It was a horrible fast food joint which made a guest physically sick.

Meanwhile, after the mumbled ceremony that no one could hear, the Bride was taking photos.

Wile the guests choked and puked, she was busy taking pictures. . Long after the ceremony was over she was taking pictures. As only fifty are included, all the extra had to be paid for now, so she had to go to the room to get the money.

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Those of you who dream of these ‘all inclusive’ hotel weddings, FORGET IT! Find a little Guest House where your’s is the ONLY Wedding happening that day.

You can, even without a wedding planner, but with FAMILY member drafted for the purpose find a fantastic place which will twist itself into a pretzel to please you.


What do you think?

16 Points

Written by jaylar


  1. Weddings are always an interesting mix of what can go wrong, what will go wrong and effectivly what does go wrong.

    The bridge and grooms ability to balance than tells you a lot about their future together!

  2. Hahaha! If I ever get married again, I definitely won’t pick one of those all-inclusive hotels, after reading this! Most of the weddings I have been to have been great; I think the only exception was my brother’s. He got married in Italy, where his fiancee came from: they were arguing and bickering on their wedding day just before going into the church, there was a lot of friction, the reception was badly-organised and shambolic, and I can’t honestly say i enjoyed any of it very much. They are divorced now, not too surprisingly!

  3. I suppose you could be old-fashioned and go to a church, followed by a hotel reception afterwards? In the UK you are allowed by law to be married in your local parish church even if you never darken its doors at other times, and that is what many people do – the photos at the church door will be brilliant, and you can book the organist to play a proper wedding march!

    • I would think that people who have religious convictions should have more than a generic marriage officer who they don’t know who comes at 10:10 to do wedding One then goes across to do wedding Two….

      • A lot of people with no religious convictions at all still go for a church wedding because it looks good on the photos! At the most popular churches there can still be a ‘queue’ – and the tradition of the bride arriving late has been known to lead to problems when the next wedding party turns up.

        • That would be interesting… unlike the All Inclusive where some guy or gal will tell you that you missed your turn and you have been moved to the back of the queue. Happened in another case, the wedding was pushed to like six and they had to pay the marriage officer extra…

  4. I’ve been to a few weddings now, one the reception was in a barn and served booze. Another was at this fancy chapel on the beach, they ran out of beer before the photos were Finished! The bride nor the groom listened to anyone at all