NEVER GIVE AN ABUSER A SECOND CHANCE -81

It can not be overstated, nor over repeated;  one must analyse the relationship so as not  to repeat it.  

Not repeat it, not carry it, not draw erroneous conclusions, but comprehend it in entirety.

Abuse is  not simply physical;  it is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, verbal.   Abuse eats your soul.

To escape is one thing, to excrete it , is another.  To be able to examine it, as  one would a damaged car (for the sake of a law suit) is vital.   To see every scrape of your soul, dent to your ego,

Unless you virtually relive it in your mind so as to get all the damage, all the innuendo, all the tricks, you are likely to enter a similar relationship, or misinterpret the motives of others.

Until you can see how you were manipulated, how your world view was controlled, and understand it, no subsequent relationship can survive.

One will either enter another abusive relationship; often with different methods, or leave a perfectly good relationship because of misinterpretation.

For example, Nick, an abuser, would say, ‘what do you want to eat?’  and whatever you suggest he picks the other.  If  you said; ‘Chinese…’   he’d say, ‘Nah, let’s have Italian.”   This means, over time, if you want to eat Chinese food you ask for Italian.

Jim asks; “What do you want to eat?”  and instantly you say what  you don’t want, because that is how Nick programed you.

To catch these aspects is vital.