The female abuser is not physical in most cases. She gets into her victim’s mind and manipulates him.
Many are lemur ladies, who are silent but do and get exactly what they want, pretending to be stupid.
If you look at the image of a lemur you’ll see big eyes, tiny mouth, sort of helpless creature. You don’t see the long claws, and you don’t know how dangerous they are.
A lemur lady is quiet, never argues, does exactly what she pleases, gets what she wants, but devious actions. Her Victim never suspects it.
An easy analogy is husband saying; “The kitchen needs painting,” while the Lemur Lady looks around. The husband says, “I think we should paint it blue,” and the Lemur Lady looks around.
When the husband comes home from work, the kitchen is painted yellow.
He says, “Didn’t we agree to paint it blue?” and the Lemur Lady starts to cry, giving the aura of feeling stupid. The husband realises she isn’t too bright and comforts her.
The fact that whatever colour he chose she would select another to prove her control is never realised by her Victim.
Other versions of the Abusive Wife is the one who will go on and on about something so that it is easier for the abused husband to comply. If the wife thinks the earth is flat he becomes a flat earther. He doesn’t think, he doesn’t consider, for a peaceful life he complies.
In the early part there might be a discussion but she will go on and on and on until it simply isn’t worth it.
To avoid feeling that she ‘dominates’ him, he will become more of an advocate than she is.