One needs to comprehend that in Abuse, be it parental, spousal, child or employer, getting inside the head of the victim is the key. Getting the victim to assist in the abuse is how it works.
This is why so many victims do not leave at the first action, why many experience the entire panorama from emotional to intellectual to spiritual to verbal to physical.
For example, if you said to an average person;
“I spent more time on the phone arguing with the bank today than I do talking to my friends,”
that person fully comprehends that you are complaining about that bank.
The abuser will twist it to be a pitiful whine about how none of your friends talk to you, and offer advice.
When you are in a relationship, you pause, you consider if this is true. If somehow you ‘psychologically’ betrayed something.
When you are not in a relationship you think; “he’s an idiot.”