It can not be overstated; when you leave an abusive relationship; you can not ‘forget’ it, you can not hide it in a corner. You must analyse it, minute by minute, no matter how painful so as to heal.Healing is the goal.
How can you heal when you don’t treat the problem? When you don’t even diagnose the problem?
Whether you were abused by a parent, a spouse, a boss, a child, go over the relationship. See the events, and try to understand how they happened.
In some cases you might see the error you made, but in most, the abuser is simply seeking a victim and you are it. If you were removed and replaced by someone else, the same abuse would apply.
The man who beat Wife One, and she left him, is the man who beat Wife Two, and she left him, and Wife Three is going to be beaten. For beating a wife is the purpose of marriage for an abuser.