In all cases of abuse, once when steps away from it they note certain aspects in which they were ‘complicit’.
The wife/child/parent thinks s/he deserves that punch , insult , etc. Because of this acceptance of fault, the abuse continues.
When the victim is away from the relationship, and honestly assesses, in many cases, that belief in provoking or deserving the abuse begins to crumble.
Some paste it back together because they have not yet gained the strength to escape. Those who are strong, who have a molecule of confidence, do not.
When you question your ‘deserving’ of abuse, don’t let it go. Follow it. Examine it. See if the basis really exists or you have not been brainwashed into thinking that you play a part in another’s violence.