If one doesn’t analyse the Abuse, one doesn’t get the fact that it is nothing you did that provoked the Abuse. The Abuse has been set and planned, you are just in the line of fire.
This is not easy to grasp.
A victim believes it was something she did which caused… this gives her some sense of existence, of ‘power’. To learn that the Abuser was going to do 1,2,3 and if she had died twenty minutes ago, he would still do 1,2,3 and claim she caused it.
The moment that a Victim realises that she is only the canvass for his Abuse, she steps back. And it doesn’t work again.
When someone tells you a sad story to make you cry, if you are aware of Emotional Abuse, if you have analysed it and recognise it, as that story begins you think;
“Why is he telling me this? Why does he need to prove he can make me cry?”
When someone tries to belittle your ability and you are familiar with Intellectual Abuse, you don’t listen you think,
“He is trying to exercise his Inferiority Complex,” and don’t hear a word, as you plan departure.
Not responding, not crying on cue, not being crushed on cue is the greatest slap in the face an Abuser can get. And once you know it, (and sadly it is only after you have lived through abuse) and have analysed it to the extent you can perceive it, you can avoid being the Victim.