Take the example of Tommy who wanted his mother to call him.
As Tommy’s mother knew his abusive nature, she was aware he didn’t want to hear from her but wanted her to waste money on an overseas call. Hence, she decided to use ‘Messenger’.
This angered Tommy.
His mother, fully aware of he was angry that she didn’t pay for the call thwarted whatever he might say by gushing that she wanted ‘to see him’.
This unexpected statement dispersed that block of anger, and moved him into another realm; that is getting her to call so he could attack her for everything she did/didn’t do when he was a child.
As she knew this gambit she called and let him blather.
The next trick in his bag was to not answer her calls. She expected it so would call twice a day.
Tommy had no idea his mother knew him to the extent she could predict his actions and develop her own strategies.
This is the ‘power’ one gains in knowing how the abuse is done, and further, the mentality behind it.
Had Tommy’s mother been innocent she’d have spent all her money on phone calls, cried herself to sleep after his castigation, then suffered his refusal to answer her calls.
Because she knew he prayed to money, that it was the centre of his being, her NOT spending money was an insult. As she knew he wanted to blame her for all his failing, regardless of her possible involvement, nothing he said could touch her.
And as she knew to show POWER he wanted her to call so he would NOT answer was the cherry on the whipped cream.